Maria's Last Diet

The hard weight loss questions

Do you like looking in the mirror?

Have you been on diets but you’re not thin yet?

Have you lost it and gained it back?

Do you hate yourself for eating too much?

Do you have several size sets of clothes?

Do you buy each new diet book as it hits the shelves?

Do you dislike your body?

Do you long to lose the weight?

Do you know in your heart of hearts there are good answers floating around somewhere?

Are you willing to dig a bit deeper and see what you can do to change?

Really, that’s all it takes to .

The Wedding Diet

Grace was mother-of-the-bride. The wedding was set for June 16th. She picked out her dress on January 16th.

She vowed to lose the weight and fit into the size 8 slinky, glamorous Vera Wang dress she bought. By April 20th she did.

It looked good. Better than that, it was the best she'd ever looked in anything. This is just what she wanted for her daughter's wedding.

By June 1st, the dress no longer fit. On June 5th, Grace was scrambling around boutiques and department stores desperate to find another dress. She needed to find one that fit right off the rack - no time for alterations. She found one, not so nice, but it did fit.

This sounds like a minor tragedy, but if you're a woman with a weight problem, you know it felt major to Grace. It was not the only tragedy she suffered along the path of her eating life. But it was the one that led her to a decision: I'll work to overcome the problem whatever it takes.

Ready...Set...Diet

What does being ready mean when it comes to dieting? Does it mean that you feel it, you feel like you're ready and that means you are ready? Why not: We go by our gut feeling in lots of situations.

The way to know if your feeling is right is to take a look at some of the telltale signs.

• You're really tired of your old ways
• You're so tired of these old ways that you've been thinking of substituting some healthier ways, and you made a mental note of these
• You've been thinking of things you can substitute for food and overeating
• You've even tried replacing your constant worrying (that eventually always leads you to eat when you're not really hungry) with a new 'thinking things out' that you are beginning to like a lot better
• In one or two noteworthy situations last week you made realistic assessments of yourself and your actions rather than resorting to your usual negative self-assessment

These telltale signs are actually steps you're taking to get yourself ready to diet. They provide the basis for feeling you are ready. Even if you decide not to diet right away, you can be proud of yourself for preparing to do it. In fact, all it may take from here is strengthening that "feeling" of yours.

Is your weight the real problem

Dear Maria...I asked my husband to help with my diet, but he always does everything he can to get in my way. How can I ever lose this weight?

Well, maybe losing weight isn't the main problem. Maybe the main problem is what's going on between you and your husband.

Relationships are at the core of our lives. Many times when they aren't working well, other things in our lives don't work well either.

Did you ever think of it this way - that your weight isn't the real problem? Maybe it's a symptom of the real problem.

If you think this might be true for you, there is good news. You can fix a relationship. You can work on it. You can decide together to do it. You can talk about things, clear things up. If you can't do it by yourselves, you can go for couples counseling.

So, if it turns out what's really upsetting you is that your relationship is not all you want it to be, take heart. Fixing it might just fix your weight problem as well.

The power of diet mistakes

A great way to plan your next diet is to base it on a time you dieted and failed. What you need to find out is, WHAT WENT WRONG!

Things that go wrong are such incredibly good teachers. Acknowledge your mistakes, missteps, conflicting thoughts or feelings, poor strategies, and go from there.

Looking back is one of the best ways to move forward. Because this time you can do things differently, do it better, get it right.

So, take the last diet you went on and figure out what happened. Give it a lot of thought. Make notes. Then create alternatives to every misstep or mistake you made.

Learning from mistakes is your absolute best strategy for weight loss.

Is staying overweight a safe place

Dear Maria...I've got a good job, a nice house, family's doing good. The one thing not good is my weight.

Other women say this as well, so you're definitely not alone. Sometimes they work it out like this. They realize that the eating is what helps them control the rest of their lives.

Maybe that's not true for you, but it's worth thinking about. Think about whether food gets you through. Think about how often you go to it. Think about what it does for you. Think about how it might be holding you together.

Some women do think like this and then they find better ways to navigate the ups and downs of their lives, ways that are better for them than eating too much and staying overweight.

Boy, this diet isn't working

Dear Maria...Whenever I go on a diet and I don't lose fast enough or I cheat, my husband says, "Boy, this diet isn't working". Why does he always do this?

Your husband might feel threatened by the thought of you losing weight. Or, believe it or not, he might be worried about you failing again, and he's blaming the diet so you don't feel bad.

There could be many reasons. Whatever the reason, here's something that works well when people are trying to kick a habit like overeating. Sit down with your husband and explain to him just what you're trying to do, and how much it means to you to stick to your diet plan. Ask him for the weight loss help and weight loss support you need from him.

You'll be surprised how much this can pull him over to your side instead of working against you and your weight loss plan. He's likely to feel much more supportive if he understands how important your diet is, and if you ask him to part of your weight loss efforts.

Your diet plan and speed limits

Being motivated to stay within the speed limit is surprisingly not enough to be sure drivers actually do it. People do not always go ahead and act on the goal they set for themselves despite their motivation to do so.

What makes people better able to act on their goal intention is formulating plans for carrying out their goal. Plans with the most detail work best. Identifying as many situations in which they'd carry out the plans makes a real difference too. Sounds like a lot, eh? It can be done in your mind, in only seconds, a minute or two at most.

When drivers plan like this, they observe the speed limit. What do you think this means for a dieter sticking to her diet?

A catalyst for successful diet and weight loss

Being able to accept and tolerate your own uncomfortable and unwanted thoughts and feelings will enable you to diet successfully.

To work on developing your capacity for such self-acceptance, practice examining the details of what you are thinking and feeling. This should bring you face to face with a dieter's biggest dilemma, being able to tolerate unpleasant feelings and thoughts. As you increase your ability to do this, you will be insuring a sucessful diet and lasting weight loss.

It helps to take an observer's point of view. You don't need to change or control what is going on internally. Monitor, notice, become more self-aware, and be non-judgmental. Sound hard? Admittedly, it does take practice. Your reward is being able to cope effectively with your thoughts and feelings. This will give you the personal control that all dieters need.

Tiny changes

You might not believe it but very small changes can bring big consequences.

Kate decided not to buy cookies that week.

One night she was tired, hungry, and just needed to pop something sweet. Oh, it would have tasted good. Only problem - it would have broken her diet and she had been doing so well. She didn't have the usual cookies in the house and no other sweets in sight. She was way too tired to go out and get something.

So she made up a bowl of raw veggies she had gotten for her diet and sat down with the kids in front of the T.V., and they all chomped away.

Kate never missed the cookies. It was an eye opener. One moment's decision and Kate was on the road to giving up the cookies that she once considered an absolute necessity.