Maria's Last Diet

Dear Maria...I just got on the scale and I've gained 18 lbs. How could I gain so much and not realize I was doing it?

Oh, this does happen. You are certainly not the only one.

This can happen while you aren't paying attention. It happens when you eat mindlessly and forget to notice what you're doing. This is a perfect example of how your actions get to be so automatic, you completely lose touch with them and they run on their own.

A thought: Slow yourself down, give yourself time to notice.

         Think before you act.   Think before you act.

Nothing is as good as dialogue.

Things not spoken of, problems, tend to get worse if left in the dark.

Heavy secrets reverberate through your life and prey on your good feelings.

You need to speak about your eating and weight secrets in a safe place, so you don't get too anxious or too afraid. Talk with someone you trust - a loved one, a good friend, a close colleague, an experienced professional.

When difficult problems are let out into the open, into the light, you can see much better what they are made of, and that let's you see more clearly how to deal with them.

Again, be safe. Choose your listeners carefully, so you can get the help and understanding you need.

The key to solving any problem is to ask the right questions.

When it comes to dieting and weight loss, many women don't ask any questions except "What diet will work for me?" This is an important question, but there are other questions that matter just as much.

For example

1. Do I know enough about my relationship with food?
2. Why have I failed on past diets?
3. How long does it really take for a person to lose 10 lbs?
4. What do I hope will happen in my life if I lose the weight?
5. Am I someone who needs to monitor my eating by keeping a food journal?
6. Under what circumstances do I tend to overeat?
7. Do I make excuses for being overweight?
8. Am I willing to do the emotional and behavioral work necessary to lose weight and keep it off?

These are the kinds of questions that need answers, along with the question of what diet to choose. They are the right questions and their answers will bring you the knowledge you need to succeed.

Think about it.

If your daughter came to you and said "Mom, I feel like my heart is breaking - my boyfriend broke up with me for another girl" - would you say: "Don't worry sweetheart, here's a whole bag of cookies that will make everything all right" ???

Did you know that when people want to change bad habits like drinking or taking drugs or smoking, it helps a lot to exercise regularly?

Exercise is a wonderful substitute for problem behaviors. It puts you in a good physical and psychological place. Needless to say, it's a healthy substitute for overeating. It's a great way to counter stress and to counter the urge to eat to take care of that stress. It's an active diversion that helps you to refocus your energy.

We all have a tendency to copy people around us. We want to be part of the group - it's human nature. We want to have our own identity, we want to be ourselves, but we also need to feel the connection. We don't want to be separate and apart, we want to be accepted and liked.

If you have a habit like overeating or eating a lot of junk food, it will be reinforced by spending time with people who do the same thing. It feels right because everyone else is doing it. Even if it's hurting you, even if it's keeping you overweight, you may indulge simply because those around you are indulging.

If you want to lose weight, be careful who you hang with.

Dear Maria... I went on a diet with my girlfriend and she did it but I quit. I feel awful about this, like I let her down, and I don't know how to fix it.

Here's an idea - what if you talked to your friend about this? She's your friend, after all. Get the issue out in the open. Tell her how awful you feel about letting her down. She might be just the person to first of all forgive you, and second, she can let you in on all she did to stick with it.

You will probably learn from this experience on many levels once you open up a dialogue with your friend.

Do you talk with other women about food and weight? This is how the article Diet with Your Girlfriends: A Key to Successful Weight Loss begins. It's an article about talking to your friends about yourself and your weight problem. It is based on the growing body of anecdotal and scientific evidence that social support gives real help for real problems, and it makes a real difference.

Did you know that social support also benefits those who give it and not just those who receive it? The reciprocity of giving and receiving is a natural for friends who are dieting, trying to lose weight, and working hard to maintain their weight loss.

Science is still at the stage where it doesn't understand why social support has such a beneficial effect. Perhaps, though, you might consider it like this. Take your hand and try touching yourself. Touch some part of you that aches or hurts or that is wounded. Now have someone close to you touch the same part of you. Quite a difference. You'll find the same is true with your weight loss effort. If you let someone touch you where you're wounded, right where you need the help the most, it does for you what you can't do for yourself.

Are you Abbey?

Abbey heard about a very strict low carb diet, so that's what she decided to do when she gained twenty-five pounds. Two days in, she began to panic - What? No more bread ever? Oh no.

So Abbey switched to another diet, low cal - really low cal. But she was soon starving, so she blew it and ate everything in sight.

"Well", thought Abbey, "I'll eat one meal a day. Just dinner. Easy. That ought to do it." This only lasted one day.

Going to extremes in dieting rarely results in weight loss, even more rarely in permanent weight loss. It's only recommended in extreme cases, and then usually in a hospital setting.

The answer to gaining twenty-five pounds needs to be something richer, and deeper, and more profound.

What successful dieters find out while they diet is that what they are trying to do is so very intertwined with who they are.

It becomes apparent during a serious effort at weight loss that you need to understand yourself better.

The parts of you that you don't understand interfere with your diet success time after time after time.