Maria's Last Diet

by Maria's Last Diet

“Andie was driving in her car on the way home when she thought of stopping at Dunkin Donuts. In the past, she would have stopped and gotten coffee and doughnuts. She would have done this despite the fact that she was dieting and desperately wanted to lose weight. This time, however, though she had the thought of stopping, she didn’t know if she would stop or not.

What was different this time was that Andie thought about what she was thinking. She became fully aware that she was having that Dunkin Donuts thought. It was not the old fleeting thought that passed through her mind so quickly that it was out of awareness before she thought it, but nevertheless powerful enough to influence her.

Andie wasn’t a person who was spacey, or ditzy, or oblivious. She was a self-reflective person, more than most people. But she had her limitations, and not being aware at certain times was one of them.

She had been hard at work this day. She had finished the day’s work and was making the two-hour drive back home, the same two-hour drive she had made early that morning to accommodate her boss’ request. Andie was thinking what a big imposition it was for her to work on a Saturday, especially given the four hours she had to drive to and from the work location. In the past, even in the recent past, she wouldn’t have allowed herself to think of fulfilling a work responsibility as an imposition. She would have thought of work on a Saturday as an opportunity to prove herself, to show how responsible she was and that nothing, nothing on earth would be too much for her.
 
Lately Andie had been having new feelings about herself. She was getting over her need to acquiesce to the other, to have to prove how good she was, to be overly generous, and to put everyone else’s feelings and needs before her own. She’d been this way for the longest time, stretching back into her childhood. She had begun to see the flip side, how much it really did cost her. As a child, she felt she had no life of her own, only what her parents wanted for her, what her responsibilities were to them.

Andie found herself thinking about all of this as she drove home from work on this particular Saturday. Pleasing her parents, no matter what, had turned into pleasing her boss no matter what. This made her smile, then laugh out loud. Then she laughed again at the fact that she was laughing out loud. Thinking about food wasn’t the only thing that was rewarding. Knowing herself, being on top of those tricky feelings of hers, letting herself be aware, all these things were rewards too.

Andie’s drive home was proceeding nicely. Ahead and to the left was Dunkin Donuts with her just reward for a hard day’s work, but there was no need. It was reward enough that she was getting in touch with herself and she was becoming her own free agent. There were many more rewards than food these days.

Maybe next time she would tell her boss she doesn’t do Saturdays.”

   excerpt from  Stop Your Emotional Eating. By Kenneth Schwarz PhD and Julie North Schwarz

by Maria's Last Diet

What if temptations were not temptations, then what? Would the process of weight loss just be smooth sailing? No bumps? No obstacles?

What if temptations are really not temptations, but they are goals; your goals for satisfying yourself right now; your goals for assuaging some feeling state you are having? What if you thought about temptations like this; that being tempted is your immediate goal, an important goal, and not just something that is getting in your way.

Yes, losing your unwanted weight is also a goal, a significant goal as well. But it gets pushed out of the way when you succumb to the more compelling goal, however momentary, of getting satisfaction or dulling a feeling or any of the other possible reasons you have for shifting from the long-term goal of weight loss to this more immediate goal.

Thinking of giving in to temptation as an important immediate goal may help you redirect your energy from resisting a temptation to understanding your immediate need for something more satisfying and relieving. Then you can see what you can do about this urgent need.

by Maria's Last Diet

Do you cave and give in to your desire to eat the tempting food item that satisfies now but disappoints later? If so, you might not be taking this situation as a challenge and then working to meet the challenge. You might be experiencing your reaction to the temptation as an irresistible desire to which you must give in.

The temptation, of course, makes it a stressful situation, one in which you will have to deal with your feelings if you resist the temptation. So it’s only natural for you to want to relieve the stress by succumbing to the temptation. If you do succumb to the temptation, however, you will miss the opportunity to turn the stressful situation into a more benign situation. So why not take a risk by going out of your comfort zone. If you do, there is the distinct possibility you will overcome the temptation with your new adventurous spirit.

by Maria's Last Diet

Do you find yourself being tempted much more than normal when you are with certain people? If so, you might want to think of these people as tempters. They could be family, friends, co-workers, or acquaintances who, when you associate with them, will tempt you to do something against what you are trying to accomplish. These people might not even have to twist your arm in any way to get you to feel tempted. Temptation just comes from being with them. You easily adapt their behavior and their goals through social imitation and social influence. 

If, for example, you have a friend who eats many of her meals out, you may find yourself eating many of your meals out as well, even when you are not eating out with this friend. A co-worker who at break times regularly has a fattening snack with her coffee may be what influences you to do likewise.

The well-known Alcoholics Anonymous slogan “change people, places, and things” underscores the importance of breaking associations that are likely to tempt you into drinking. This principle holds true as well for avoiding temptation if you are trying to lose your unwanted weight. You may have to change the people you hang out with in order to avoid being influenced and more easily give in to temptation.

by Maria's Last Diet

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Despite the encouragement to not give up if you don’t get it right the first time, you can try, try to get it right the first time as well.

For instance, when you are getting ready to start a weight loss regimen, do something to avoid temptation. You can remove what tempts you, get it out of your living space, so you won’t have the means to give in to temptation. This is one thing you can do to succeed first time around.

Another way to ensure success the first time around is to change those cues that could bring up a desire for your past pattern of eating. If you, for example, ate too much food while watching TV, work your new weight loss routine somewhere other than in front of the TV. If you are used to replenishing your good feelings before you go to sleep by bedtime snacks of calorie-rich food, find new ways of making yourself feel good so you can have a restful night’s sleep.

You see how you can work it? If at first you do succeed, you don’t have to try, try again.

by Maria's Last Diet

Moments of weakness when you are dieting are practically synonymous with moments of being tempted.  So, how do you counteract these moments? You will have to face the fact that sometimes you will not be able to do anything about feeling tempted, except give in to the temptation. Think of giving in from time to time as just part of the weight loss process. If, however, things are going right for you that day and the universe has granted you a special dispensation, you might—just might—deal with being tempted by not giving in to it.

You could take a “time-out” and underline the importance of your long-term goal, “I want to lose this excess weight,” right when you are faced with temptation. Better still, do this even before your temptation is in full bloom. So often what happens when a person is faced with being tempted is the short-term goal of  “having what you want when you want it” takes over, and you become momentarily blind to your long-term goal of losing your excess weight. A strong reminder to yourself at such a time can’t hurt, and it might actually work. You have to try this and see if it works for you. Some women say it works for them.

Keep in mind too that moments of weakness will pass. This is the nature of a weak moment; it passes. It is up to you to find ways to let it pass, without allowing it to take over. You can, for instance, try waiting out your weak moment. Or you can rate your level of temptation on a subjective rating scale from 0 to 10, zero being “not tempted at all” and 10 being “tempted to the max.”

When you rate your temptations each time you are tempted, you will see that being tempted does not stay at one size all the time. The feeling of being tempted varies, and it is this variability that will help inculcate the idea that you might be able to wait out this or that particular low-level temptation. By waiting out the ones through fives and maybe even the sixes and sevens sometimes, you may come to feel you can do something more than just twiddle your thumbs and patiently wait out the less affecting temptations. And if dealing more actively with the ones through fives goes really well, dealing successfully with these lesser temptations might just lead to more confidence and skill for managing your larger temptations too.

So, what can you lose? Onward and upward, weak moments and temptation, here you come.

by Maria's Last Diet